I've learned a lot from him just watching his day-to-day activities.
IN THE KITCHEN:
- When it comes to meat, you have two options: cook (a) to the appropriate temperature for the type of meat being cooked (pretty much 170 degrees, there's are digital and mercury meat thermometers all over the kitchen to check) or (b) the shit out of it. You know it's done when there's a nice black coat around the whole chicken.
- Always sharpen knives before you cut things. There's a way this sounds - first the "rrreeeeeeeeeerr, rrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeerrr, rreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr, rrreeeeeeeeeeerr" of the knife being run through the sharpener on the back of the can opener, and then 34 seconds of water running to rinse off the yuck you just ground off.
- Don't drink raw milk - "have you seen where the udders are in relation to the butthole?"
- If you touch cheese with your bare hand, you better be eating the whole block.
- If you put your hand in the bag of shredded cheese, you better be eating the whole bag.
- If a dish comes out of the cupboard, it goes into the dishwasher.
- If you take an item of clothing out of the drawer, try it on for two seconds, realize "this is not the look I'm going for," and take said item of clothing off, it still goes in the washer. Even if you've just had a shower.
- When it comes to socks, two is better than one. And I mean two pairs (four total socks).
- When it comes to new t-shirts, if you find a comfortable one, buy at least 5.
- When it comes to old t-shirts, wear them until they have so many holes, they are literally falling off of you (and then, attempt to sew them up so you can keep wearing them).
HERRING ARE DUMBER THAN CHICKENS.
(I have no idea how this works, and apparently there are pictures to supplement this lecture, I just haven't seen them yet).
